WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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