speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
