is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
