I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize