Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ate ashes out of my bong
These tits shall not be calmed
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
