I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
