I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
