I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
