i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
