Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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