she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
