it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
