Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
