He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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