Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
