Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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