respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
