sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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