brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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