Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
