i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
