I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
