I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
