I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
