I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
