I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
