She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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