apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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