fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize