Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
