Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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