If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
