don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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