my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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