The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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