4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
