wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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