I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
