Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Couch. On fire.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
