How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
