so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
