Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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