Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
