you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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