She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
