Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we're making bets on your personal life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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