First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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