it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
