after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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