his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
