Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
FUCK WHALES
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
