you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
