Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
