Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
