I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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