there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
