normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize