waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
