I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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