i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
