I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
