Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
