My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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