if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
